I Will Find You
by Depressed Writer
Summary: And that's when I realized - a heart-wrenching, painful realization - I loved him.


**_I Will Find You_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice_**

* * *

My heart thumped ferociously and painfully against the insides of my rib cage. I could feel Natsume holding me tightly , my tear-stained cheek rested against his broad, warm, chest, his warm arms around my shoulders, protecting me. I tilted my head and looked up at Natsume's face. His crimson eyes glared straight and held such anger and fury that could've lighted a candle miles away .

"Hand the girl over, Son," rasped a voice a few meters behind me. "The ESP wo-"

The man was cut short by Natsume snarling over my shoulder, his mouth was incredibly close to my right ear, " Stay away from her," he growled. I immediately stiffened at his sound. His voice was filled with such hatred and fury that sent shivers down my spine. I'd never heard Natsume speak with such ...malice.

I tried to turn around and peek a look at the man behind me but Natsume prevented me from doing so. His hand was placed at the back of my head casually enough but with enough force to let me know that I shouldn't look. There was some discontented murmuring behind me and I realized that there was more than one person.

"If you don't hand her over, we're going to have to use- ah- slightly... aggressive ...methods," a different cold voice filled with brutality spoke this time. There was the sound of approaching footsteps as the man came closer. In a heartbeat, Natsume gripped both my shoulders and shoved me behind himself very roughly. A whimper escaped my dry lips as I fell with a soft thud onto the cold, marble floor.

I sat up straight and looked up at Natsume's back, drenched in sweat with the strain of running along with me so much. I cocked my head to the side and saw the ESP's men, seven in all, dressed in black in front of Natsume, battle-ready.

"Back off, or I'll burn you to a crisp," Natsume said in the same harsh tone I had heard him use before, and a bright, orange flame shot from his hand. It rapidly snaked its way through the already tensed air and just narrowly missed the man standing nearest to us.

_Life-shortening alice…_

With a jolt, a certain memory flashed through my head and I gasped, "Natsume, you shouldn't use your alice any more. It's too dangerous. You're already in very bad shape-"

"Its not like I have a damned choice!" Natsume turned around to glare at me for a fraction of a second, and one of the ESP's men took the opportunity to lunge at us from the side.

Immediately, faster than my brain could register what had happened, a circular wall of ceiling-high, dancing flames appeared around Natsume and me, and the man who was in the act of reaching out a claw-like hand for me, was snatched by the flames and thrown away. I could hear the startled cries of the men as they were suddenly confronted with raging fire.

"Natsume!" I screamed and staggered to my feet, the smoke blurring my vision. The smoke was filling my lungs and I found it rather difficult to breathe. The flames were so intense, that beads of sweat immediately began running across my body. I stumbled forwards and caught Natsume's arm, my head starting to throb painfully from the heat and smoke. Then suddenly, without any sort of warning, white-hot pain coursed through every nerve in my body, threatening to break me apart. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out.

The pain didn't cease. My head felt light and I vaguely felt my hands leave Natsume's arms as I saw the ground rush up to me while all hell broke loose around me. But before I could fall, Natsume had deftly caught me in his arms.

"Mikan. MIKAN!" His voice sounded distant and stretched as if he was speaking to me from a great distance. The sound of the raging flames and the men began to die down as well. My eyes began to close as I felt myself slipping away.

"MIKAN..."

.

.

.

_"Mikan."_

_I looked up at the mention of my name. In front of me was a frowning, raven- haired boy with piercing crimson eyes. Natsume was leaning against the teacher's desk, his hair tousled, arms folded and...well... an extremely annoyed expression on his face._

_"What's up?" I asked cheerfully. _

_He sighed as if defeated and his expression changed from annoyance to slight concern. He ran a hand through his black hair._

_"We've made ...plans."_

_I raised an eyebrow, "We?"_

_"I mean me, Ruka, Hotaru and that shadow freak-"_

_"You mean Tsubasa-sempai."_

_"Yeah, whatever. Him. We've decided to..take necessary action."_

_"Huh?" I blinked; I wasn't sure where this was headed, and frankly, from the tone of Natsume's voice I wasn't sure I wanted to find out._

_He groaned soundly._

_"Look," he said slamming both hands down loudly on my desk and making me jump, "The ESP knows you have the Stealing alice. It's only a matter of time before he comes after you to coax it out of you. So," he continued, straightening himself up and rubbing his throbbing temples which from hanging out with him for long hours, I knew indicated the beginning of a headache, "We- Hotaru, Ruka, Shadow freak-_

_"-Tsubasa-sempai-"_

_"-And me -met together yesterday to discuss the situation. We devised a strategy to let you escape from the academy. The plan will reach its final stage one month from now-" _

_"Wait,_ what?"_ I said not understanding anything that was going on._

_"What my dear friend is trying to say is," a different voice belonging to a certain shadow manipulator said, "Mikan, we're going to get you out of the academy for good. You're going to live your own life outside the academy. "_

_Tsubasa-sempai slowly strutted into the class, a rather smug expression on his face, while Natsume just shot daggers at him._

_"Really?" I said emotionlessly as understanding slowly creeped into me._

_"Yeah, everything is set," said Ruka appearing with Hotaru at the doorway of the classroom._

_"It's quite a plan, really," he said throwing a furtive glance at Hotaru, "You've really got to hand it to Hotaru "_

_"What's the plan?" I said trying to feel excited and failing miserably at it._

_"Pretty simple, actually," started Tsubasa, and he began explaining the plan to me in low, hushed tones, while Ruka stood guard outside, making sure we'd know if someone was approaching._

_"WHAT!" I screamed, extremely agitated after the plan was explained to me,"ABSOLUTELY NOT! THERE IS NO FRICKING WAY, THAT I AM ALLOWING EVERYONE TO RISK THEIR LIVES FOR ME-"_

_"Mikan! Calm down!"_

_"HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN? THIS PLAN IS RIDICULOUS!"_

_"What's going on?" Ruka appeared at the door, looking extremely confused._

_"Help us explain to this idiot her that she needs to shut UP!" Hotaru hissed, adding,"And there's no use screaming, the plan's already in motion."_

_"WHAT! NO! I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!" I screamed hysterical, while Ruka and Tsubasa tried to calm me down._

_Suddenly, there was a flash as something collided with my left cheek and sharp pain exploded in my jaw. Standing solidly in front of me was Natsume, hand raised._

_He had slapped me. Natsume Hyuuga had slapped me. I couldn't believe it. Natsume. Slapped. Me. I raised my hand and gingerly placed a finger on my cheek and winced as the pain increased ten-fold._

_I raised my eyes slowly and saw a seething Natsume. I barely noticed the awkward and shocked silence which had fallen upon the room as the witnesses- Ruka, Hotaru, Tsubasa and Tono- looked upon the scene unfolding between me and Natsume._

_"Stop being so selfish," he said in a cold, indifferent voice._

_"Me? I'm the one who's being selfish?" I snapped back, all shock gone, quickly replaced with bitter anger and resentment._

_"You guys," I screamed, waving accusing hands at them all, "Go behind my back and suddenly decide to become knights in shining armor, all ready to risk your lives, while not even giving a second thought about my opinion and you call me_ selfish_, just because I'm worried about the lot of you?"_

_I hollered the last words at him, while he just stood there frozen, taken aback at my angry tirade. Then, he must have regained himself,because he shouted back, "Well, then DON'T worry about all of us!"_

_He had a crazy look in his crimson eyes, a deranged look which was somewhat marred by a slight expression of ...pain. I blinked._

_"Mikan, Natsume, keep it down," Tono said in a slightly commanding voice. Then, turning to me, "We're risking our lives because we want to. We want you safe and sound, and right now, the only place you're going to achieve safeness and soundness is anywhere but the academy."_

_"But how come I don't get a say in a drastic plan involving me? Why, why is it just about MY safety? What about yours? What about everyone else's?"_

_"It's also about all the other stude-" started Ruka before I cut him short._

_"Thought it'd be all right? Did you really think that I'd willingly go along with all of this?" _

_"Mikan!"_

_"What?" I spat savagely- a word that was never before used to describe me- and turning around to gaze into a mesmerzing pair of violet eyes- Hotaru._

_"This plan is absolutely necessary, there really is no other choice. This is our only-"_

_"Don't you dare give me any of that bullshit!" I glared at my best friend, trying to ignore the feeling of guilt that was slowly starting to creep into me, "Don't you dare say this was our only choice-"_

_"But don't you see, Mikan, it IS," Ruka cut in, suddenly taking hold of my shoulders and whipping me around. "This is our only hope right now, so, yes, we're prepared to risk our lives if that's what it takes to get you out of this damned academy!"_

_"Besides," he started again when I opened my mouth to protest, "It's not just about your safety; if the ESP gets a hold of your Stealing Alice, then not just you, but every student in this academy is in danger. Is that really what you want?"_

_He looked at me with a pleading look in his eyes, and in the back of my mind, I thought, 'No, that's not what I want'._

_"And anyway," said Hotaru indifferently ,"There's not much you can really do to change the situation. The plan's already in action."_

_I glared at them for some time before lowering my head, knowing they were right and that I was defeated. This time, I did nothing to stop the tears that had started to fall..._

_._

_._

_._

I woke up sobbing and crying, the reality and direness of the situation we were in just starting to sink in. I remembered the dream I just had, an incident which had taken place nearly a month ago. The plan had seemed dangerous, but it also had seemed fool-proof back then. Now somehow, the ESP had found out and we were all in grave danger.

My eyes were too blurred with tears for me to see anything clearly. I sat up on the cold marble floor, crying desperately as if there was no tomorrow, one hand resting on someone's shoulder, the other ferociously wiping away the tears that were dripping down my face.

Suddenly, warm hands wrapped around my shoulders, and gently began to rock me back and forth. Natsume. I cried even harder.

I sobbed hard on his shoulder, wanting to let all the anger, sadness, and pain out. He stroked my hair gently, rocking me back and forth. Just his mere prescence in my vicinity was enough to calm me down. And I had a feeling that he sensed that too. The entire time I sat there, wetting his shoulder, he didn't say anything, not a word.

He didn't comfort me saying that it'd be alright or that everything would turn out perfect. In other words, he didn't lie to me, and strangely enough, that was comforting.

We sat like that for some time, and after my cries ceased, I rested my cheek on his shoulder, wanting more than anything else for this whole ordeal to end.

"What happened," I asked suddenly, "After I fainted?"

He took a while before answering, as if thinking, and when he did, he pulled me away farm his damp shoulder so that we faced each other.

"Well, I couldn't wake you up, and was wondering what to do. Then Ruka and Hotaru came running from the other hallway and told me to get you somewhere safe; they'd handle the ESP's men-"

"Wait, hold on, you're telling me that they're actually_ fighting _them now? We've gotta go help!" I said as I got to my feet.

"Are you FRICKING crazy?" snapped Natsume, pulling me back forcefully by my arm. "Do you have an idea 'bout the trouble we went through to get you out of there?"

"But Natsume, Ruka and Hotaru are-"

"Fighting, yes I know. They'll be alright."

When I bit my lip still looking worried, he said, "Relax, they'll be fine. The others are coming to help them soon. Have a little more faith in your friends' abilities, geez."

He folded his arms and scrutinised me, "So are we going or what?"

"Going, definitely," I reply picking myself to my feet. "The portal's on the west side of the high school dorms, right?"

"Yeah," he replied standing up a well, and then glancing at his watch, "And I'd say we have about sixteen minutes to get there before it closes."

Not wasting any more time, we turned and ran down the corridor, in the direction of the high school buildings, taking care our footsteps were slight and wouldn't attract any more attention; we've had enough of _that_.

* * *

I inched around the door, Natsume just a step behind me. I could hear light laughter behind the door, as the senior high school girls stayed up late in each other's dorm rooms, which happened to be strictly against school regulations. I shook my head. Walking on tiptoes, Natsume and I traipsed down the dark, shadowy corridor.

The portal would be down at the end of the corridor, and sure enough, just like Tsubasa had promised, an oak door stood waiting prominently, as we neared the end of the corridor. All I had to do was turn the doorknob, and I would be whisked away to a place miles away from the academy.

We both stopped short a few feet from the door, which for some inexplicable reason had started to appear rather intimidating. Natsume glanced at his watch. "Five minutes till the portal closes," he whispered rather triumphantly, but, I noticed, there was a slight edge to his voice, almost another emotion altogether.

"Well, go on."

I glanced at his face. I couldn't see well in the dark, but what little light there was betrayed the emotions on his face, I couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but it stirred something inside me.

"Natsume, I-"

And then a wave of emotion passed over me, so strong was it, it made me weak in the knees...

I didn't want to leave the academy...

I didn't want to leave behind all my friends...

But most of all, I didn't want to leave behind...Natsume.

"Mikan, are you alright?" there was unmistakable concern in his voice, and it produced butterflies in my stomach. But there was also pain, unmistakable agony, screaming out from within.

It was so simple...

I loved him.

The moment that sole thought occurred to me, the world shattered.

"Natsume, I-" my voice trembled. I staggered and Natsume put an arm on my shoulder to steady me, producing another great wave of butterflies.

"Mikan, you need to leave. Now." His voice was unmistakably calm, but beneath the cool exterior, I sensed pain, the same thing that I was experiencing, -and love, so much it nearly ached.

I couldn't- wouldn't- leave without him.

"Natsume," I said, grabbing his arm, "Come with me."

"Mikan, wha-" he sounded surprised. He looked down at me with those crimson eyes and I froze. Suddenly, he swooped down and brushed his lips against my forehead. I stood shocked as he pulled me into a heart-wrenching embrace.

And then it exploded. It hurt so much I felt like I was being ripped apart. Before I knew it I was sobbing into his shoulder, for the third time in a single night. But I didn't care. I wanted him next to me. I wanted to know that I would be able to gaze into his crimson eyes every single day. I couldn't deny it. I was hopelessly in love. I wrapped my hands around him as well.

It wasn't fair. I wanted to be like this with him forever. But fate wouldn't allow us. It was too cruel, and time was too precious. Only now did I realise the true value of each little second. I would give anything to be like this with him forever. Anything.

"Mikan, " his voice croaked, breaking the silence, " I-I love you." Three words.

Happiness exploded in me, but it also increased the pain, the agony I was suffering from, now that I knew he reciprocated my feelings which I'd been carrying around,"I know, Natsume, I know," I cried knowing exactly what he was feeling, then I added, "Me too. I l-love y-you."

"Natsume, come with me," I whispered looking up earnestly at his face.

He shook his head, "I-I can't, Mikan. It would cause too much troub-"

"As if my own leaving isn't going to cause any commotion. Please, Natsume, come with me. We can run away together-"

Natsume shook his head, a painful expression on his face. "I can't, Mikan. I'm in the Dangerous Ability Class.-"

"Like that matters-" I started to say indignantly.

"-Yes, it does. You know how I go on missions. I'm already known in underground circles. I'd put you in danger. I didn't tell you this, but," he continued, a guilty look on his face, "They've already put a price on my head."

I stared at him shocked. This couldn't be happening.

"How much?" I ask, my voice barely coming out in a frightened whisper.

"Around two million," came the distraught reply.

The tears started falling again, faster and more hurried. Natsume cupped the back of my head and raised my chin, and used his thumb to wipe away my tears.

"I'm sorry, Mikan- I want to come with you- I want to so badly, you have no idea how it feels. But I can't - I'd put you in danger, I-" his voice trembled slightly. And I realized that it wasn't himself he was worried about, it was me. He was worried that if he came along with me, he'd put me in danger. Realizing that bit of information only made it harder to let go of him.

No, no, my mind screamed, no, NO!

Only now did I truly realize the real meaning of pain. Only now did I realize what love was. And it hurt. A lot. The pain was unbearable; a thousand words couldn't describe it. The only thing that was keeping me intact, keeping me from falling apart to pieces was his arms around me; they held me in one piece. And I wasn't sure what would happen if I let go of him.

"Go, Mikan," he said, wrenching my wrists away from himself, making my worst dreams come true and pushing me away roughly, "Go now, there isn't much time left. Go!"

"Natsume, I-"

My world was crumbling away right in front of my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to stop it and keep it in intact. And the pain- it increased a hundred fold- a sharp, piercing, stab in the heart. I was breaking apart; from the inside.

"Mikan, GO NOW!"

I don't know what it was that made me do what I did next, maybe it was the commanding tone of his voice. Nevertheless, it was a decision I'd regret my entire life. I turned the doorknob, my back facing the door.

Immediately there was a swirl of colors, as shadows flashed before my eyes. I was being teleported, away from the academy, away from him.

"Natsume!"

Already my vision and sense of hearing were starting to dim. But not before I heard him say those words, the words that still give me hope to this day.

"Mikan, wherever you are, I will come and find you. No matter how long it takes, I will find you. Please, wait for me."

The last thing I saw before my vision went entirely blank was Natsume's face, a variety of emotions in his beautiful crimson eyes.

"I will wait, Natsume, " I whispered knowing he could still hear.

I started to spin, as colours and swirls travelled around. I closed my eyes, lights still flashing and then just as it had begun, the spinning ceased.

I reappeared, stumbling, on the slope of a hillside. Natsume's words were still ringing in my ears as I began the descent down the slope to start a new life, in another city, under another name.

Intuition told me it was around midnight, and I looked up at the full moon, nesting between wispy, silver clouds.

There was still hope.

_...I will find you..._

* * *

Review?

-Depressed Writer


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